Still figuring it out, together.
I'm a bi, polyamorous designer and engineer based in Arizona. Host of Becoming with Xavi Benjamin. 13 years in tech. Former Jehovah's Witness. Building my chosen family one honest conversation at a time.
I grew up as a Jehovah's Witness in a world that told me exactly who to be, who to love, and what my life was supposed to look like. The organization gave me everything: a cosmology, a community, a moral code, a future. It also gave me a family that would one day have to choose between their religion and their son.
They chose the religion.
I left in my mid-twenties and lost almost everything. My family, my community, the entire structure I'd built my identity around. What came after was the most disorienting and most alive I'd ever felt. Without the framework, I had to figure out who I actually was.
That process is still going.
Today I'm a bi, polyamorous communist living in Phoenix, Arizona with my spouse of eleven years and two cats who run the household. I'm a designer and full-stack engineer by trade, someone who has always thought in systems, which turns out to be useful when you're trying to understand why the world is the way it is and who it's actually built for.
Leaving the Witnesses didn't just change what I believed about God. It cracked open everything. I started seeing systems everywhere: in religion, in capitalism, in the way bodies are policed and relationships are regulated and people are sorted into those who matter and those who don't. My politics aren't incidental to my story. They're what happened when I stopped taking the world's explanations on faith and started asking who those explanations actually serve.
I believe in a world where everyone has their basic needs met, where food and housing and healthcare aren't contingent on your usefulness to capital, and where people have the time and freedom to actually know themselves. I'll tell you that with the same warmth and conviction I bring to everything else.
Life and relationships
I'm openly polyamorous and involved in ENM, swinging, and kink communities. My spouse and I have been navigating, and are still navigating, the ongoing work of growing radically without losing each other. I'm actively building a chosen family and looking for a partner to build a life with.
I love Star Wars, science fiction, space, the dream of great public transit, and any conversation that goes somewhere real.
The show
I previously co-hosted Glamorous and Polyamorous, a podcast about love and relationships after leaving religion. Those conversations taught me something I carry into every episode of Becoming: that the most radical thing you can do is tell the truth about your life.
Becoming with Xavi Benjamin
We are all in the middle of becoming something. Becoming with Xavi Benjamin is a show about what happens when you stop living the life you were handed and start building the one you actually want. You don't have to have it figured out. None of us do.
The work
By trade I'm a full-stack designer and engineer with 13 years of professional experience. I've built enterprise sites, headless WordPress platforms, TypeScript design systems, and produced seven podcasts from scratch. I also run System Hyperlink, a site about technology for people who are skeptical of the monopolies that own it.
If you want to work together, say hi.